Burdens, panic, directionless..

Everyone around me has the same kind of desperate look; frantic and anxious, trying to calm their nerves and sorting through their sanity, but perhaps mine stands out the most. Even in the times of my darkest hour like these i bear this burden alone for no one is by my side. No. God has ensured they would be far from me when i was to receive the blow.

The one cut that severed me from the confidence of my future. I was near breakdown then, angry yet guilty, and i seacrhed the crowd for a familiar face but found none. No one which i could relieve myself temporarily and forget what was to behold. There were brief greetings, short conversations exchanged with distant people but apart from that i felt completely lost. Everything was falling apart.
This was the day i swore i would put everything right, but now the situation has heightened to a worse state. The turmoil of emotions so well hidden before were starting to overwhelm me, so i fled to the library. Even then i could not find peace. I want to scream, throw tantrums and furniture and maintain that it was not my fault.

Did i not try? Was what happened on exam day my fault to begin with? And those that pretend to care, you are also the cause of my unending suffering. Pretending not to care is a closure of your emotions, and without those emotions, you come off as heartless. Rebellious. Uncaring. Failure. And that's how and what i've been labelled as.

So now here i am, stuck, with none but one direction. And i do not want to take that option. somehow i fear it will not run accordiing to plan, but today itself was already in a mess. So, what else can go wrong?

MUCH MUCH MORE.

Flashmobs for Cadbury

Hell I am SO tired, I just woke up from a seemingly ten minutes sleep but as actually three hours, yet my body still feels like lead and I cant seem to wake up fully. Exhaustion. Ah, what a day. Out of the three Cadbury flashmobs I have to say this one was the most informal, which is good obviously, hell, I remember the time we did the second flashmob for a wedding anniversary I found out every girl had to wear a princess-like fairytale dress..OMG was totally unprepared..and the dress was so damn freaking long even all the pins I put on it and the stupid aching heels weren’t enough to hold it up, lol.

Gosh one particularly embarrassing part was when I had to do a twirl with my partner and I was like, oh shit.

You know what.

Im going to have to hop, not walk gracefully, if I don't want to trip. And flashmobs never start early. Like never. I remember going there super early in the morning and it didn’t start until 5 plus…oh well, at least we got paid extra for that. ^.^

downside is, I lost my wallet containing ALL my money, my previous savings, adding up to RM300 plus altogether. Yeah yeah. I was an idiot for not putting it in my bag. Lesson learned. Yes. I left it in the toilet while changing. When I remembered and rushed to get it before the flashmob was starting, I had to run in my heels and with the annoying dress dragging along the way, it was not easy to ignore the curious stares of the other shoppers.
A few more perverted ones whistled, but I think my sister got more attention. No one will be looking at me when she’s beside. When I got to the toilet I realised it was gone. Ok fuck. No other choice but to just forget about it and dance.

yeah today flashmob was a wedding proposal, the guy was dressing up as this bear stalking her around Pyramid since she likes bears. whilst he's doing his stalking thing his girlfriend is brought to A Cut Above for free makeup and hairdo..(of course everything is paid by Cadbury.) we then wait for HOURS at the tent entrance and the MC's entertains the crowd up. I just remember trying to stay in one place and looking out for our cue to start to dance and not get pushed over by other ppl.
It was freaking crowded in there,seriously. Plus the long waiting didnt help me sweat less.

The beautiful soon to be bride finally entered and we all started clapping, she looks bedazzling, so she walks up in the red-no purple carpet up to the MC's where they congratulate her and blah blah. So she has no idea whats happening, and we start to dance. yeah and we dont have enough space. =.= did the best i could, but whatever.
finally, hallelujah, done! got our money, we left to eat at Simply Penang, and i could finally go home. i mean, flahmobs are fun.

But i wish people would appreciate dancers more. no matter how good and bad just as long as they are dancing or on stage. Its not easy to get up there, and we have follow all the organizations and wishes of the client. Not to forget waking up super duper early too, and driving to freaking far places including avoid jam, and the long hours of waiting...yeah.

pouring Rain

Looking forward to another day,
The sky lined with a soft crimson and baby blue.
Golden as it seems,
The sky cries out softly to me.
Dulled by a sudden gray,
Rainy and mundane,
I embrace your tears.

The Chaos

I prodded the sleeping bag gently. His only response was a slight grumble and continued snoring.
"Patrick."
The sun burned in my eyes and the dizzy headache i felt from last night resurfaced again. I didnt even bother to fight it, fell back obligingly on my bed. Tired. Could it really only had been yesterday?
The doors burst open and more sunlight streamed in, blinding me and bringing another wave of lightning headaches. I swore. About 10 soldiers covered the bedside, not allowing any escapes. 20 more stood outside,weapons held at ready. I tensed, my hand immediately sliding down to my belt, gripping nothingness. Surprised, I looked down. My gun was not there.
Agent Agadd entered the room silently, dressed in full battle gear. Two men in dignified suits were at his side, one holding a white briefcase and the other black. I recognized them as his lawyers. He stepped forward, cocking my gun. "We had to disable your weapons as neccessary precaution."
I felt my old anger returning, the familiar tingling of the scars on my arm. Holding it at bay, I cleared my throat and said, "I thought I hid it pretty good."
"You did," he said. "But we did better."
With that statement, his lawyer opened the black briefcase and its contents spilled out. It was all bluetooth devices, tracking signals, trigger-activated grenades and mini bugs. With a shock, I realized it was all Patrick's. My anger returned full-scale and I couldn't hold it back any longer. My left arm snapped up and immediately 20 gun barrels focused intently on me. I hesitated, my fingers quivering inches from Agadd's throat. He smiled grimly.
"Shoot me," I growled. "I don't care."
The villain just beamed wider. Half the guns suddenly changed their target, resting on Patrick's still sleeping form. My heart skipped a beat. I forced my fingers close one by one and withdrew my hand, clenching it into a fist.
"You didn't have to do this," I said quietly.
Agadd's smile dissapeared. "Oh, I think its was a good thing I did, Miele," he said harshly.

When one flashbacks's

I closed the door and slumped heavily behind it. Cradling my trembling hand, I opened my eyes and stared down at my bloody arm. It was painted red now, I could barely see the cuts and bruises underneath. My mind ran a quick check of the damage. In the train, using the chair to break the glass window therefore suffering minor scratches.
Dragging the fragment of broken glass across my arm to convince Jennifer. Additional damage when I was fighting Jeremy and trying to hold Daniel and Jennifer off.

Now that the life saving adreline had burned away, I was left with nothing but my previous fear. Even my anger was slipping away, leaving me with nothing to hold on. Was I really going to die here? Beads of sweat entered my eyes painfully. I tried to stand up, but with my own weight was too much to handle and a burst of lightning pain headaches shot through me. my resolution crumbled. I was too weak to even call for help.
Peter had overestimated me. There was no way I was going to overcome it. I wouldn’t be able to handle situations like this in the future. Everyone would be disappointed to learn of my death. They believed I was invincible enough, a young girl who went through a death chase by an illegal organisation and withstood her two most closest partner’s deaths. But they were wrong. Even now I hadn’t fully recovered.
Their worlds were not forgotten to me. Out there somewhere, I knew Mark was still leading his rebelling party and Ren was working in one of his tents. The last I heard of Keri, she had become sort of a feared and much sought after bounty hunter with a reward on her head herself. Furuta was still holding his original position, unwavering since the battle of the Chaos. I was unsure about Patrick. Was he still in the orphanage, or had he finally earned a transfer?

Cyphering is fun

tonoght's cypher was definitely the BEST,i always wanted to dance full out and today i came close. haha.we freestyled hiphop first, then house, wow, really took alot of me ma, but it was great, hafta cypher more. from 5 we had training then poppin at 6 and at 7 i went to eat dinner, came back, less than 20 minutes to rest before start running man in class again. running man, i get damn tired quickly whenever im doing it. haih. today somore is back move. similiar to reject and roger rabbit, i keep on getting confused between the two. lol. i think around the 5th round i was already burned out, and hamed somore said he wanted to do ten rounds. crazy. i cannnot survive that long mah. i saw andrea again today at UG!! been so long. omg plz come back fast soon,k, cuz now ug's old people already most gone..TT and i miss my friends too, have to cypher with you guys too, yeah..
O.O battle coming soon!! nov 6th. im more confident than the first battle before, cuz i screwed that one up but now i dont feel nervous. i just like to be free now than do choreo. choreo is still fun la, of course, but its the same thing everytime and freestyling at least you get to do whatever you want. =D
ok. cant wait for battle dy. and i want to join happy feet dance competition!!! dont fail on me now. pls. godddd. TT >.<

Dance..ing...

I love dancing SO MUCH that just one day without it makes me feel empty and useless..not going to ug like for a week feels like i have no purpose. for me, you listen to the music first before you dance, then just sway and groove in beat with the music. the steps come later, when you have developed your groove and feel. But some other people don't see it this way. especially choreographing, they choose songs that stand out alot like those with the heavy beats to make it seem atrractive and cool. they choreo all the dope steps they can think of, stressing heavily on the decoration and not the content.
i honestly don't like following that choreo. they are not on beat, and the atmosphere is usually tense trying to remember the steps and finishing choreograpy. its not fair that dance should be showed in a negative light like this. DANCE DOES NOT MAKE YOU STRESS. unless you call planned choreography dancing.

That is not dancing, especially when you're not on beat and lack rhythm. well yeah. thats what i feel la. and if it had any effect on me, it made me want to dance harder. like, you know, this thing is nothing for me. i can do it. so why shouldnt i dance? yeah. i decided i should. and not the dance choreography, i mean when you are on the floor with your friends and just freestyle in your own world.

Thats why i finally decided to join the HIPHOP battle vol2. i wasnt to planning to originally, since my first battle already sucked like shit, but this time i'll try again. no point waiting like a dumb fool, for things to happen. the problem was, i saw thelist and realized that every single person had already a partner. i was like oh God no. can i just join alone? but it was a lucky streak cuz Damien just came along without a partner as well so we just ended up together.

And I CANNOT BELIEVE HAMED IS JOINING WITH JERRY, UNFAIR, i am so going to poison one of them the day before battle.

I feel so hyped up for dance now. i feel like joining a competition already, but all my ex-dancemates have dissapeared to the ends of the Earth. no idea where are they now, though they occasionally online. i dont even see their noses in Ug anymore. no more Hi Street Crew? T.T i miss you guys!!!
Hurry up and come back UGla..fast fast ok??? so long dy never dance together..T.T
Ok i have to go for rehearsal now. something collegey flashmob thingy. =.= argh, cant wait to go back studio. Wait today cannot, got family wedding.
then tomorow!!!