Burdens, panic, directionless..

Everyone around me has the same kind of desperate look; frantic and anxious, trying to calm their nerves and sorting through their sanity, but perhaps mine stands out the most. Even in the times of my darkest hour like these i bear this burden alone for no one is by my side. No. God has ensured they would be far from me when i was to receive the blow.

The one cut that severed me from the confidence of my future. I was near breakdown then, angry yet guilty, and i seacrhed the crowd for a familiar face but found none. No one which i could relieve myself temporarily and forget what was to behold. There were brief greetings, short conversations exchanged with distant people but apart from that i felt completely lost. Everything was falling apart.
This was the day i swore i would put everything right, but now the situation has heightened to a worse state. The turmoil of emotions so well hidden before were starting to overwhelm me, so i fled to the library. Even then i could not find peace. I want to scream, throw tantrums and furniture and maintain that it was not my fault.

Did i not try? Was what happened on exam day my fault to begin with? And those that pretend to care, you are also the cause of my unending suffering. Pretending not to care is a closure of your emotions, and without those emotions, you come off as heartless. Rebellious. Uncaring. Failure. And that's how and what i've been labelled as.

So now here i am, stuck, with none but one direction. And i do not want to take that option. somehow i fear it will not run accordiing to plan, but today itself was already in a mess. So, what else can go wrong?

MUCH MUCH MORE.