Valentine's Day

I still remember the day my heart broke. i wish i could say "fuck this shit" *troll face and forget it, but i cant and that annoys me. So let me get it all done here. I would've never thought of you, never felt you, heard you, if i had not seen those pictures, clicked on that blog and read its contents. It was harmless, intentionally, but its images and words went through me like a blade. The same situation i was in 4 years ago, at the very same blog. Does this girl know what she's putting herself through? The guy she's dealing with? He was my one hope at that time...and destroyed it, with that one so called seemingly harmless picture.
Still recalling shattered events in those years, where i thought high-school sweethearts and strumming guitar love songs(taylor swift) were the only things i wanted to priotirize in life, they seem so far to me now.

Lol, its hard to believe someone like me blogging about something that is pointless to me, right?
SO, today, instead of frantically searching for a last minute date, we went to an orphange. Luke created a facebook event for it and i didnt even know, not until ijust logged on facebook recently. We agreed to donate some things, and i went through my collection of books, selecting all of Enid Blyton's ones

(cuz im so sick of them, i read them a thousand times and over no offense to the author tho) and a couple of ones that didnt really interest me at all..i mean, if its something that i really care enough to think twice about giving it away, its books. usually i wouldnt mind much because my bookcase is so crammed..but i got these book vouchers recently and have been on a shopping spree since..

Yeah so since its Valentine's day and couples get together-day, obviously the ones that went for this trip are #foreveralone. including me. Tisha, Samanta, Jonny, Luke, me. An hour went by whilst i waited at Mc'd before someone finally showed up, Tisha.

Got out of it at last and we were on our way. The orphanage was at Klang and Luke's friend, Lindy or Lingyi. The orphanage was smaller than i thought, even smaller than the one i visited with my collegemates, but then that doesnt really matter.
we played games and i was already starting to warm up to them, they reminded me alot of the bunch we visited with my college mates. i feel kind of sad, because this kind of thing is well, you only visit once and after that, you dont think of coming back anymore.
Well the first time i got kinda attached to the small girl, forgot what her name was but argh- i still remember her because of her story. she told me her parents were divorced (not exactly divorced, her exact words were mommy and daddy dont live together any more) and that her mom sent her to live here.

She said she only saw her mom once every month. She never saw her father at all and she had an elder sister that never made an appearance after she was sent away. She only sees her mom and thats not frequent, her mom comes often just to drop off food and pay some bills before taking off.
I know it sounds normal to you, because you're not there, not experiencing the real gist of it. this girl the way she said it was emotionless, like she didnt really care. To her they werent family, just occasional strangers in her life. I thought it'd be a sensitive issue, but when i prodded further she really didnt care at all. Her family were her friends and caretakers at the orphanage, not the ones who abandoned her.

Sometimes these kids confuse me because whilst there are some that so clearly seek attention and love, there are those that just have completely no interest in interacting or anything. They maintain the 'no way we have done this before can we do something else why is it always the same thing' kind of attitude, so it makes me jumpy whenever i visit orphanages.
i dont know what to expect. Today's orphanage was good, i had loads of fun but i wish we could've stayed there longer. You know, i felt like adopting a daughter or son on the spot then- lol, and i always choose the younger ones. We played games la, next time have to bring more food. food always works. Great strategy to bring those kids out, seriously. KFC does it best. =D
I wanted to teach them to dance D: but they were so incredibly shy, TT Y U NO UNDERSTAND I WONT EAT U??!
The second orphanage was harder. not exactly orphanage, more like home for the disabled. okay, i didnt know what to do there.

They were having their dinner and my stomach was rumbling too. time to take off. I think Jonny was the most popular one there today. He got at least eight kids up to him with his MacBook.

When three of them burst into tears at the same time i got scared. Can we run away now? But then this indian boy came to save the day, yeay! He managed to convince her to the table, and i saw alot of the older ones playing with the smaller ones, so adorable. They really care. Not doing it cause im the elder and its my responsibility. Why? I guess its because they've only got each other in their life, and everyone's precious. ah, what a great story this would make. One is actually popping up in my head now, will be formed soon. We, well, take each other for granted. Idiot. but i cant do anything. I tried.

Visiting the home and orphanage was great..now pray that ill actually come up with a good friendship childhood bond kind of story.

Happy Valentine's!