DARK MEMORIES

In Form 3, My diary is mostly touched on the disgusting topic of idiosome BOYS-not all are, but the ones i knew during my pubertyhood definitely were. Whilst flipping through the wrinkled pages, i shuddered at my own mushi-ness and it was all i could do not to throw the entire piece of crap out of the window.
But the undeniable enjoyment i felt whilst stalking these better unnamed boys is what that forced me to let it stay. Jeeez.

After all, memories are memories, better cherished than thrown away and forgotten. Like they say, treasure those happy memories, but throw away the ones that are harmful and painful.

Are these memories HAPPY???!!?

As far as i can remember, they they consisted of hysterical laughter and nonstop mischeif, sometimes including embarassment and - depression.
As i delve deeper, that naive happiness turns intosomething darker, making me into the evil thing i am today.
A crush firstly develops from complete strangers to facebook friends, and once you've gotten the courage to talk to him, you slowly upgrade your level to good friends. After that you either have to 'continue with it', or 'stop it'.
For those reading, not only am i talking about one, but all that has permanently affected and destroyed my not-so-pleasent life.

Yes, ALL.

Right now, my mind flasbacks to the time when me and my crush first had lone time together. I remeber it all with ashtonishly accurate detail- my tensed muscles, anticipation, him getting stiffly in the car, nervously aviding my eyes, and how far apart we were seated.
Once or twice i glanced out of the window, wishing that the moon was brighter and that there were more stars.

I remeber all this shit.

Until now i cannot flashbck to this memory without a faint crease between my eyebrows. Over time, wounds heal. But the scars stay there.
We chatted about some stuff at church, school-things so boring and drabby i feel is barely worth mentioning in this blog. I did most of the talking, as he seemed rather withdrawn that day. I remember racking my brains for some funny bone-tickle joke or an interesting topic he'd want to participate in. I also remember comngup with nothing at all.

After some time he picked up his phone and started calling someone i knew. It started with affectionate greetings and harmless insults, but after that i could feel he was trying to talk about something deeper. Something meaningful.
I guess he'd finally decided to tell me he didnt like me- the night had been long enough. He didnt say it directly, but sent it in a hinted message (the way all cowards do.)
Well yeah, i got it, but the reality of the message didnt seem to sink in then. The rest of our ride passed in awkwardness and tense silence.

After he got off, i could tell from the tilt of his head that he was going to look back. I didnt want him to see me, so i slid out of my seat and out of his view. When we were far enough from his house, i resumed my seat and struggled to piece back my heart somewhat.
Well i failed miserably and couldnt help but let those damn tears fall.
The Me i know now would have never lost control of her emotions like that in such a bland situation. I swear now that it'll never happen again.
It was just a goddamn freaking phone call. Why did i have to get so emotionally troubled over it for?

Me, at that not-so-young age did not know what 'couple' meant in a relationship dictionary- i only knew it in sentences like 'a couple of times' or 'a couple of tweezers.'
Of course, i also know that some youngsters are already searching for their soulmates even before high school.

SERIOUSLY, THAT FAST????!!

Even my fat and ugleh sister has already coupled five or six times or so i think. Plus the new one she has, thats already seven, and i dont even know his name. I know there's a lot of good things about boyfriends. They are sweet, charming, entertaining and produce roses for you out of thin air.
But what if they're not? Coupling at 12 years old is a little too young, do you not think? Boys have still a long way to mature, and some girls, seriously stupid and unable to think straight, lavish all their love and energy on that one boy, leaving little for their friends and family members.
It would be a violation of privacy to name my sister's exes, but im gonna do it anyway. Take this Teck goon for example. He smoked, his grades were downslide and he wasnt famous in school for his goody-goody reputation. Yet why'd she couple with him for?

Like i said, plain stupidity.

Most people i know go i an complete silence mode once they've had boyfriends.
Why is that? Daydreaming too much? Worrying about your lovely love problems? Or is he so the center of your life now that your couldnt be bothered with anything, or anyone else?

That was how things went for a while. Several times i fumed, 'If she's not going to get over her bitchiness and this idiot, im disowning her.' He even wasted her phone credit.
Everytime she announces, 'We've broken up,' i jump for joy, only to be shaterred in the next few days after finding out there's a replacement.
This time, he proposed to her on Valentine's day, so im betting they'll be gone on the next V.Day.
As an older sister, i must press that im not being judgemental and cruel, just helping you avoid all the emotinal tremors and rollar coasters i went through when i was your age.

CONCENTRATE ON STUDIES, PPL!!

Yeah.

Right now life has no meaning. What am i supposed to do?

Besides going to church, going dancing every night, and blogging, my life is still lacking in many areas.

I wish i was born in the 90-s, where music was really beautiful.

Im listening to the Scorpions right now, and they produce such beautiful music that i can relate from my heart.

Wind of change~

Send me an angel~

Still loving you~

Holiday~



NOW this is what music is all about. So harmonius and syncronized...i could listen to this forever.

Pity rock music nowadays are hard core metal with mindless screaming and wasted performances with the singers destroying their own guitars.

Now the 90's virus is infecting me. I love ABBA AND SCORPIONS!!



This was not how i imagined my life to be after SPM. For the first time, im actually wishing i studied harder in my exam days. Then i could have started college earlier and find a few more interesting things to do, mix with new people and find a new purpose.

Im sick of my house, listening to my mom's complaints, my sister ignore me, my dad coming back tired and stressed every night. No refreshments, no new things.
GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK ON!!!!!!!

IRIS

And now, it is time for my addictions to take the stage.
Lee Byung Hun and TOP from BigBang.
If there's a drama thats so breathtaking and has a complicated plot lined with conflicted characters and tragic emotions, its none than IRIS.


I wish i can freely watch more korean drama as i want and review them. Its decided, i need a laptop. I cant wait forever for my sister to stop hogging the computer.

The main character, Kim hyun joon is an assasin in training with his best friend Sawoo, whom he has sworn brotherhood with. One day, while undergoing training, they are taken by some mysterious men and seperated.
Hyun joon is taken in a room where he is injected with drugs and restrained.
Furious, he kills the doctor and manages to escape, lookimg for Sawoo.
They are stopped by guards but Hyunjoon just takes them out with a few blows.
WOW! this guy's acting..did i say how real it was? The way he moved, threw punches, his anger and the battlelight in his eyes...whew.


Sheenee, how can you say its boring? The first episode maybe, but then dont all good dramas start that way?
But after episode 2, there was no looking back. Full of suspense and mystery.
Hyunjoon was ordered to kill the prime minister if north korea, Yonn sung chul without being given a reason. In order to prove his loyalty, Hyunjoon did as ordered even though he was in a dangerous situation.
He got hurt after completing his mission and asked for backup.
However, Baeksan, his boss, said that he was on his own. Not only that, but he sent Sawoo, Hyunjoon's best friend from their training days, to eliminate him.


He had been abandoned by his own company. Even his best friend turned against him. Seeking revenge, he risked his life to go back to his apartment to see Seunghee, his team leader and lover, whom he deeply missed.
They planned an escape together but everything went wrong when the car Seunghee was in blew up right in front of Hyunjoon's eyes, leading him to believe she was dead.
In truth, she was not dead but had just gone to meet Sawoo for a moment.


However, Hyunjoon could not get over her 'death' and absolutely swore he would get to the bottom of this and kill Sawoo and Baeksan at his feet.

The organisation and its cruelty,wrongdoings and yet formed to uphand justice. Seonhwa, no matter how many times she tried to kill Hyunjoon, never succeeded and ended pairing with him because of his forgiveness and kindness.
She helped him find the reason he was abandoned after assasinating Yoon sung chul and get his revenge on Baeksan.
There were many questions among the plot, like why TOP killed Hong Seung Rong and asked for the IRIS list. Hong seung rong had given Hyunjoon the USB pendrive, containing the IRIS LIST,
but did not tell him what it was.
Hyun joon, on the other hand, gave it to Yuki, a young girl he had known in his stay at Japan. It resulted in the deaths of the her parents, as well as the poor girl herself.

Poor Hyunjoon. He again had lost something he wanted to protect so bad.

I especially loved the part when Seunghee dreamt that she and Sawoo met Hyunjoon in a carpark. Hyunjoon, already betrayed by Sawoo, was habouring intense anger and hatred towards him. Calmly he shot Sawoo twice, ignoring Seunghee's screams.
In retalaition, Sawoo shot Hyunjoon as well, who made no attempt to run but continued firing, with Seunghee's screams as the background music.

Ohh..i loved that scene..feel it would be absolutely perfect if the scene came true. Sawoo chose his career and pride over years of friendship with Hyunjoon.
Hyunjoon, hurt and angry and his betrayal, deception, and for placing his loyalty in Baeksan rather than his best friend, may have more than one good reason to take his revenge.
In this case, i wouldnt blame Hyunjoon if he killed Sawoo, even if i dont want him too. I want them to make up and be back to friends.
But things will never be the same.
Hyunjoon should not kill Sawoo but let him live, let him look back upon his actions that caused the painful betrayal and feel the remorse of his regret.
They cannot be friends anymore, but can continue as work partners, cold and reserved with one another.