Cyphering is fun

tonoght's cypher was definitely the BEST,i always wanted to dance full out and today i came close. haha.we freestyled hiphop first, then house, wow, really took alot of me ma, but it was great, hafta cypher more. from 5 we had training then poppin at 6 and at 7 i went to eat dinner, came back, less than 20 minutes to rest before start running man in class again. running man, i get damn tired quickly whenever im doing it. haih. today somore is back move. similiar to reject and roger rabbit, i keep on getting confused between the two. lol. i think around the 5th round i was already burned out, and hamed somore said he wanted to do ten rounds. crazy. i cannnot survive that long mah. i saw andrea again today at UG!! been so long. omg plz come back fast soon,k, cuz now ug's old people already most gone..TT and i miss my friends too, have to cypher with you guys too, yeah..
O.O battle coming soon!! nov 6th. im more confident than the first battle before, cuz i screwed that one up but now i dont feel nervous. i just like to be free now than do choreo. choreo is still fun la, of course, but its the same thing everytime and freestyling at least you get to do whatever you want. =D
ok. cant wait for battle dy. and i want to join happy feet dance competition!!! dont fail on me now. pls. godddd. TT >.<

Dance..ing...

I love dancing SO MUCH that just one day without it makes me feel empty and useless..not going to ug like for a week feels like i have no purpose. for me, you listen to the music first before you dance, then just sway and groove in beat with the music. the steps come later, when you have developed your groove and feel. But some other people don't see it this way. especially choreographing, they choose songs that stand out alot like those with the heavy beats to make it seem atrractive and cool. they choreo all the dope steps they can think of, stressing heavily on the decoration and not the content.
i honestly don't like following that choreo. they are not on beat, and the atmosphere is usually tense trying to remember the steps and finishing choreograpy. its not fair that dance should be showed in a negative light like this. DANCE DOES NOT MAKE YOU STRESS. unless you call planned choreography dancing.

That is not dancing, especially when you're not on beat and lack rhythm. well yeah. thats what i feel la. and if it had any effect on me, it made me want to dance harder. like, you know, this thing is nothing for me. i can do it. so why shouldnt i dance? yeah. i decided i should. and not the dance choreography, i mean when you are on the floor with your friends and just freestyle in your own world.

Thats why i finally decided to join the HIPHOP battle vol2. i wasnt to planning to originally, since my first battle already sucked like shit, but this time i'll try again. no point waiting like a dumb fool, for things to happen. the problem was, i saw thelist and realized that every single person had already a partner. i was like oh God no. can i just join alone? but it was a lucky streak cuz Damien just came along without a partner as well so we just ended up together.

And I CANNOT BELIEVE HAMED IS JOINING WITH JERRY, UNFAIR, i am so going to poison one of them the day before battle.

I feel so hyped up for dance now. i feel like joining a competition already, but all my ex-dancemates have dissapeared to the ends of the Earth. no idea where are they now, though they occasionally online. i dont even see their noses in Ug anymore. no more Hi Street Crew? T.T i miss you guys!!!
Hurry up and come back UGla..fast fast ok??? so long dy never dance together..T.T
Ok i have to go for rehearsal now. something collegey flashmob thingy. =.= argh, cant wait to go back studio. Wait today cannot, got family wedding.
then tomorow!!!

Happy then Lost

My mind id refreshed it well and clean..traces of darkness still lurk but i'm able to banish them away for now..tomorow is DA day hopefully..i need inspiration..motivation and support..
I have the first two naturally,an unique ability to inspire and motivate myself anytime i want..its truly not hard. But for that, i need support, and sadly to say, i have none at the moment. i live a dull life at home, cuz nobody's willing to listen much or comment. I feel i truly come to life at dance..only at night..the me during the rest of the day is a humourless, walking zombie..
lifeless.

Another way i found to preoocupy my time is reading..don't underestimate the power of books. They can motivate..lie..create new things..teach..and bring you to a new world. The reason i read is because to expand my imagination..since young already this love for reading has been implanted in me and i wanted to be a writer. All my unfinished short stories have been misplaced..but i still remember each and every storyline. The characters are stcuk in my head, because they arll are a part of me. Somehow, they represent me, each of them i wrote based on a unique aspect trait that i possess.

I still write, but i find it difficult these days. Maybe its because im unable to express myself more than usual..when i was younger there were no limits...but now..

How I Feel

I dont give a fuck if you people think how messed up i am..i have my own life and it is way more meaningful and valuable than yours..i actually have SOMETHINGS going in my life unlike you people and your low life pathetic so-called 'friends', they may be now but they'll fade away soon.. trust me, i know. You guys have so much fun together but that is in your own,small world, you dont have a taste of the real and painful world outside there but when you do, you'll suffer for sure. All of you will struggle endlessly desperately trying to find something to cling on to..but theres no one there..cuz they're also busy with themselves,their own problems now...

You guys use each other and call them 'friends' because you want your own security from them.. because besides them you have nothing else..no one..it may seem fun, hanging out at Mc'd in the wee hours of the morning, sleeping over, spending the entire day at Sunway mooning over designer bags..

but its all an illusion.

The only real connection you guys had with each other was these fun, materialistic worldy things. You may describe yourself as fun, sociable, caring, and open, but ive yet to see it from you. How you treat people like they're below you just cuz they're sidelined..pushed aside and ignored..do you know why i dont bother with you people? why i act like you guys are just a waste of my time?

Because you ARE. I have better friends, better people to mingle around with, and better ways to spend my time. I know what you are. I know what you will turn out to be in the future. and the future is definitely not a place that i would want it with you.
If i could say this in your face now, i would.
THIS IS NOT MY FAULT.
I tried to talk to you. I did. I gave up my own pride and PRETENDED to act happy, pretended to be interested in all the things you were bragging about...but it was nothing.

i hate it. I hate seeing you making a big drama out of everyday things and tagging each other on facebook.. i cant stand it. i DONT WANT to mix you guys, ive tried it once before and nothing turned out well. All ive accomplished so far is this worthless mix, i believe that being with you isnt going to get me anywhere in life. You and i come from different worlds.
Again, i tried. dont say this is my fault.

I dread seeing you again.

Awed and Inspired

Yes, today was an inspiring day. I realized i still have so much to learn..and that i shouldnt go around with my head so held up in the air that i dont notice where im going and fall down...bt instead..those less experienced, as long as they watch their step, theycan definitely avoid the trap and go ahead further than me...

Dance is something so beautiful, yes an art. Its true that i dont understand much about it, but from just watching, something works deep down in me and i strive to do better.
Why do i dance? its a mystery even to me, though i try to have an answer if people do question me. bt my time has not come. not yet.

Just few hours ago, i read this person's blog and it just spoke to me, louder and clearer than it was a year ago. i understand his target and path better now. i not only read one, not two,but SEVERAL, and thats what made me realize that there are still many journeys in dance.
Of course i want to reach there. they look like normal people, bt actually they'veall gone through a processwhere they had to fight for it and left a hole..not a hole but a bruise..a scratch in pride.. but ever determined to move forward.

Nowadays we have it so easy. Ill agree with this for sure. Dance studios are everywhere, ipoh, subang, seremban, sunway, EVERYWHERE. Its so easy to just sign up for a class and start attending just because the moves look cool and you can imagine yourself dancing in the club like that and strutting your moves. But when they start, they have no idea of what they really need to learn before going into the deep...and thats when they start to question themselves...
me, i joined because i was interested. i dont remeber much, honestly, but i didnt understand the concept and it felt like i was going BECAUSE I HAD TOO..my mom paid for it and it was an healthy activity...
i was just following,not reaizing, dancing blindly...not understand it.yo have to understand dance and the music.

sometimes in class, i still feel its hard to follow, and their are times where i believe that ive lost my feel. its kinda fru8strating sometimes cuz what i do is not enough..i hardly freestyle at home cuz mostly im just practicing the moves..not applying it to my dance.
==
now i am still searching, because admittedly it is not easy dancing and attending college at the same time...theres assignments to think of, training to attend, and full scale devotion. i dont want to giveit up, but then from the lack of time and overload of assignments im getting, sometimes you just have to make a sacrifice. i learnt that from a friend whos going through the samething too...she dosent want to quit but then its harder if you go during a time when you have no time..because i dont want to end up hating something ive already come so far in and just give it all away...
Ive saved all those pages of the blogs i read..haha i know it seems foolish bt the right thing... now, its back to reality.

I have human comm class in two minutes..dunno what is she going to teach but best not to miss it.. i have final exams soon and i still wanna go dance..still wanna continue..i pray to God that he will show me the right way..the rightppl and in UG..i will always know whats best for me....



ITS TIME.

dance comp emotions

I HAVE TO STOP DOUBTING MYSELF.
as you might not know, me and my frens are taking part in a dance competition called lights on dance showdown organized my college, INTI.
er honestly i think our routine is lacking in a lot of stuff, and i dont know what to think. some people say its nice. some say we lack of energy. others say the moves are cool. i really dont know what to think but my brain is overflowing with all kinds of thoughts and daydreams, if we make it through the audition or if we screw up and forget moves or if we arrive late and find that the entire event has been canceled.

okay, im hyperventilating, but i know where we stand. i know that we arent balanced. and honestly, the choreo dosent fit in with the song much, but its kinda too late to change it. no synchronization,balance. and all of them have yet to pay me the register fees.
=) lovely people.
i have no idea how many other crews are joining, and the thought of it makes my stomach churn. damn im even finding it hard to blog about this at the moment.

so here's the truth. everyone is like coming up to me and saying, oh you're joining this dance comp!! you must be good!! good luck for the auditions!!!
and its leaves me feeling confused and slightly guilty cuz their like encouraging me, while all i can do is complain and worry over how we'll do.it'd be better if ppl didnt know about this at all, and i dont have to worry about their expectations and feel false hope.
and its not fair to me cuz, i dont feel good enough yet. and there are dozen better, experienced crews out there that can do alot hell better, so what was i thinking??!!

well i was actually thinking, i dont think ill even get in through the audition, but i'd hate it if i just let an oppurtunity like this pass wasted by. so i did the rash thing. went to urban groove and started asking people around. well, ithought it was going to be okay. and for a while, it did.

but then i realized our routine didnt have enough hiphop in it. i wanted to change the entire thing, but the others refused. cant blame them, with the time limit, but i hate to practice something that isnt perfect. and most of the time, the others arent serious and are just playing around. i dont know what it is with them, if i dont call them and ask to come for practice and start warmming up, trust me, they'll never get started.
i dont mind a little humour and jokes during but too much ticks me off. i want it to be perfect. and the most annoying and dissapointing thing is, it isnt. if our routine is going to be so messy and lifeless, i feel it would be better if i didnt join at all in the first place. i dont want to kick anybody out. but then if you felt that one person was dragging all the others down, what would you do?
how can i help someone if that someone doesnt want to help herself?
jeez, i really need to write this all out. to those that think im over expressive or dramatic, whatever. i do this to keep me sane.
GOD I JUST PRAY TO YOU, PLEASE PLEASE WHATEVER HAPPENS LET ME DO MY BEST.
ihope all of us will give everything they've got and take practice seriously. i wnt us to be perfect. i dont care whther we get in the audition or not. i just want us to do and look our best.

truly, this is from my heart. right now it is what i really want.

FROM THE HEART

from the heart,
not to a person but to self.
entering the wilted shadows,
an empty heart.
burnt willpower,
less than strong i was before.
how long may i long
waiting for night to come?
early beginnings
late endings
i wish i was second.
dance my soul out,
still not enough for me to rip out all
black and white
frowns and crosses.

if the stories were real,
i wouldnt need to listen to you.
i'd find my own solace.
id find myself..,
this energy, inspiration
more would come.
hopefully,
one last time,
you'd let me enjoy this world by myself.